Of Blake and Batgirl
by Barney Brazil
Almost time for the bubble bath, Daphne concluded, moving toward the product that contributed to her family's considerable riches. This one would be well-deserved. After hours of wearing those thigh-high boots that were part of her costume, her feet were KILLING her. Just how the gal who masquerades as Batgirl can pull it off, I'll never know, Daphne thought to herself, and she was in pretty good shape, given her ballet career and gymnastics. Wonder if the real Batgirl is some triathlon athlete, she mused.
Already the steam was beginning to rise, chasing away her lethargy at standing around the party for hours, talking with all those college men
especially Fred! Sofas were generally taken, and beds upstairs were
Suzy Chan was going to have a hard time getting that evidence past her detective dad! Looks like she'll be grounded
All of that, however, paled in comparison to the night's best development. Fred could not take his eyes off her, even with Alexandra doing everything in her power to swipe him away! Of course, it had to be the costume, but what part? The cape? The boots? Or was it the way the tight costume showed off her
That thought disappeared as soon as the cloth was pressed into her mouth. In the next second, both arms were pulled rudely behind her back. She couldn't tell which was faster
the speed at which she was gagged or had her wrists bound. NOT AGAIN!
"Excellent teamwork, my dear," said a cultured, clipped accent similar to that of many gentlemen of the city's upper crust. "Speed and surprise once again defeat our quarry."
Daphne attempted to spit out the cloth wedged into her mouth, to verbally challenge her captors. But at that moment, silk fabric was whipped over her face, and pulled back tightly. "Penguin, you may know a lot about crime, but you sure don't know much about gagging a lady." a woman's voice almost purred in its delivery. "She could have spat out that wad and summoned help. This fabric will keep our prey nice and quiet."
"Of course," Penguin chuckled. "Leave it to a woman in a catsuit with a whip to know such intimate details." The other kidnapper grunted in grudging assent, but said nothing as she completed her task of tying the silk behind Daphne's head.
Meanwhile, the Penguin occupied himself with tying her arms to her body. Daphne began to flush with embarrassment. After all, she was only clad in a pink bra and panties beneath her purple robe, and that wasn't much to cover everything. When she caught a glimpse of him, she recognized him immediately as Oswald Cobblepot, the wealthy heir who wouldn't avert his lecherous gaze from her at many a gala. Now he had her helpless. What was the motive
"We finally have you, my dear," the Penguin replied as he observed her less-than-enthusiastic stare.
"It turns out Batman's not the only one who can do a little detective work," cracked Selina Kyle, better known as "Catwoman." "We've been on your trail for some time."
On my trail? Daphne wondered aloud, though mumbled, into her gag. It's not like she was in Witness Protection. After all, she took classes at the local college, made headlines with her journalism, and never missed a bash. Had she written anything negative about either villain, she wondered to herself.
"That red hair
" Catwoman began
" Penguin leered, almost face to face with her.
." Catwoman added. "It's clear that Daphne Blake is secretly
Daphne squeaked into her gag. No! They couldn't believe that!
"You have to admit, she has a penchant for trying to stop crime by solving mysteries," Catwoman pointed out.
"And gets tied and gagged a lot," the Penguin smirked. He had concluded pulling the ropes tight above her chest. Now, he readied the ropes that would bind her arms below her chest, making her extra uncomfortable in the process.
"But we got the real clue 30 minutes ago, while on stakeout," Catwoman concluded. "We saw you drive up, dressed as Batgirl, and depart into this mansion."
Daphne shook her head, to no avail. But then, the Penguin held up what she had worn to the costume party. "Need we say more, my dear?"
"UMMMM!!! HRMMPH!!! MMMPH!!!"
At that moment, the phone rang. The Penguin and Catwoman froze in mock horror for a second, then looked into the direction as the rings continued.
"A gentleman caller?" Catwoman whispered into Daphne's ear. "It could only be, at this time of night."
"Or, it could be Robin
or our real target," Penguin scowled.
The message clicked on. Daphne almost turned beet red at the embarrassing Jessica Rabbit impersonation she made on her answering machine, inviting the caller to leave more than just a number. But it was Velma on the line, just making sure she got home safe, and the wine didn't get to her head
she had to use her head! At that moment, Daphne squealed into her gag for all she was worth, as if tying to get Velma to hear her. The Penguin and Catwoman merely laughed.
"Save your strength for later, my dear," Catwoman cackled. "You are going to need it, as our hostage, Batgirl!"
we're setting a trap for another bat
and his boy blunder!" The Penguin said, ignoring the beep on the machine. "Once all three of you are our prisoners, maybe we can have a little time to ourselves in my 'special aviary.'" Daphne continued to whimper through her gag.
Velma went white as a sheet as she was on the phone. "What happened?" Fred asked. "Did she get a DUI like Biff did last week?"
Velma shook her head, as she set down the receiver. "You know how I told you that Daphne and I tried to work out something that would keep her from getting kidnapped?"
Fred nodded emphatically, as if he always thought about that particular subject matter.
Velma continued. "Well, I rigged Daphne's answering machine with a device that would allow me to listen in, after leaving a short message."
"Whoa!" Fred exclaimed, impressed by the technology. "That's
But Velma waved him off. "Focus, Fred! I just heard Daphne sound like she was gagged or something, along with the Penguin and Catwoman. They think she's Batgirl!"
we've got to do something, or we'll never see your girlfriend again!" Velma found herself screaming at him.
The blond held up his hand for silence. "Wait
I think I have a plan. And we'll have to make a few calls to guests from tonight
While Penguin took his time, slowly binding Daphne's legs in several places, Catwoman continued to ransack the redhead's room. "Quite a lot of expensive items you've accumulated over the years Miss Blake
I mean Batgirl."
"Every little bit helps," the Penguin replied.
"Speaking of every little bit, are you trying to tie every square inch of Batgirl's legs?" Catwoman remarked. "She's going to look mummified!"
The Penguin chuckled. "Tonight, I AM mixing business with pleasure!" He stroked her bare legs protruding from the bathrobe. Daphne recoiled as though she received an electric shock.
Poor girl, Catwoman thought. Then again, it's payback for all those times she foiled a perfect crime.
At that moment, lights shone into her bedroom. The Penguin and Catwoman froze, then looked out the window. "It's Batman
and Robin!" Catwoman exclaimed.
"AND BATGIRL!" The Penguin gasped. "But how?"
Catwoman looked over at the helpless heiress. "Sorry Miss Blake," she offered. "Just a case of mistaken identity." She headed for the door.
"What are you doing?" the Penguin bellowed. "We're leaving a perfect ransom opportunity."
"She may not weigh much, but I don't fancy bundling her off with Batman on our tail. If we hurry, we might get away." Catwoman dashed out the door.
"Maybe he'll slow down to untie her, or something," she added.
The Penguin stood there, stamped his foot, took one last gape, then said "Until next time, Miss Blake." Then he followed his partner in crime out the door as the wail of sirens emerged in the distance.
As the door opened, Daphne gasped into her gag. Had the Penguin returned for her? But it was just
Batman stepped forward. "Hello Miss
anything we can do for you?"
Daphne grumbled into her gag, something about getting untied and pulling the stuffing from her mouth, when Robin rounded the corner
or more accurately
Velma in a Robin costume. She had to keep from choking on her gag with laughter.
Velma stumbled around a little bit until Batman caught her. "Thanks Fred."
Fred is Batman?
Then Batgirl came into the room as well. And the real Batgirl?
This Batgirl appeared equally disoriented, until Batman pulled out two pairs of eyeglasses for the two women in the room.
"Thanks for coming and helping, Barbara." Velma said.
"No problem, Velma," the librarian and police commissioner's daughter replied. "Always glad to play a part, especially for a great crimefighter like Daphne Blake."
Daphne observed the bespectacled librarian taking the pair of glasses as Fred went to work on her bindings (and this time, she did not flinch from the way he touched his ankles).
"Lucky I spotted you leaving the party with the Batgirl costume on," Velma observed as Fred took his time with the ties.
"I had some homework to finish," Barbara Gordon explained. "And I didn't want TWO redheads dressed as Batgirl at the same college party,"
.Barbara was a redhead, Daphne thought as Fred finally worked his way up to the ties on his chest. But she tended to wear her hair up, and was as blind as Velma without her glasses. Nah
it couldn't be.
"Is Miss Blake really Batgirl?" Barbara whispered jokingly.
she's our own 'Danger-Prone Daphne,'" Fred kidded. At this, Daphne angrily protested into her gag while everyone else in the room laughed.